No more smoking for me

Isn’t it funny how we are so complex. I’m a development enthusiast. Whether it’s personal growth or the growth of a community, I get super pumped. That’s why the Atlanta BeltLine tickles my fancy, or why my favorite book is Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. Yet, although life for me is defined by growth, I sure do like to “ungrow” sometimes. Why is it that we do things that are counter productive? Why do we run from what we want, or even more, what’s good for us? These idealist questions do have answers and I plan to answer them… in one short blog. Yes, I am that impressive :).

I believe we define our life by what we’ve been taught or what we’ve seen, mixed with part of who we were when we were born- our genetics, and largely our capacity to change and grow is very small. As individuals, we are fragile and brittle and we do not take well to the bend and stretch that growth requires. Why is it that we date the same guy over and over again or why do we raise our children like we were raised, even when we swore we wouldn’t? These questions are so repetitive, it’s ridiculous not to answer them.

So how do we change? No one wants to become super introspective, worrying about every choice and the motive behind it, but we do want to grow. We want to learn and there are things in our life, from time-to-time that we do want to change.

The answer is simple, yet very difficult. The answer is relationship. Whether it’s with God, or yourself, or with others, the answer is always relationship. We are made to be with each other. We live as families. We live in communities. We are not made to be isolated or independent and to grow we need each other. To learn we need each other.

But there’s more: We can’t just be with each other, living amongst our social norms, letting society guide us. No, we have to be transparent. Intimacy, or in-to-me-see, is allowing others to know who you are, and letting them be a part of that process. It’s hard. We like to be right, or perfect, but our flaws are actually what make us unique. What we define as flaws are the things that can make people love us the most. Those things that we do, that make us “ungrow” are the exact things we need each other for. If we come together, we can allow each others strengths and weaknesses to mold.

Well what does this have to do with social media and my amazing blog…

Social media can be a beautiful support of our need for each other. We can use these outlets to communicate with others, to share our lives with each other, and to stay in contact. People are afraid of losing privacy. I myself am terrified of the idea of people who I don’t trust and, frankly, don’t like, looking at my pictures or reading status updates. But this fear is drowned by the beauty of instant connection, of being able to contact someone you love and share your heart with them in the middle of your busy day. If it weren’t for those friends, I wouldn’t be growing and learning as much as I am. So I say… post it up, tweet, update, tagged, IM, or pin… but whatever you do… do it often and do it with others 🙂



One thought on “No more smoking for me

  1. Insight is a challenge for all of us and an important capacity for our profession. By being willing to look at our own issues and all of our backage, we believe we can be more effective at not letting our “stuff” get in the way of being an effective social worker. But it’s hard work and often not fun. We have to admit our faults and our weaknesses, and hopefully grow into better folks with even better relationships of our own. And it’s ony when we are tested in relationship to the rest of the world that we find out if we have been successful. Nice insight.

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